And The Snake Fell In Love With The Badger
by ThePhandomWillBeTheEndOfMe
Summary: Let me tell you a story on how the Snake fell in love with the Badger. Dan Howell was a lonely, awkward Slytherin, wanting someone to love. Phil Lester was a sad, clumsy HufflePuff, wanting someone to love him. Little do they know, the answer is staring at them right in the face. (Phan Hogwarts AU)
1. Chapter 1

**Dan's POV:**

"Alright, do you have all your stuff packed? All your homework, all your school books, and all your…magic…things?" I nodded for about the tenth time while pulling my luggage behind me.

"Yeah, mum. I'm telling you, I'm fine, it is my fourth year at this school." I pointed out for the tenth time.

"Alright, and you have Susan with you?"

"Why else would I be getting about fifty weird stares, mum?"

"That's true." For a Muggle as a mother, she was very calm about letting me have an owl as a pet. My father wasn't so pleased in letting me have the old owl, but he had to get used to it.

"For God's sakes, Dan, you're late as usual, pick up the pace!" My mum said to me, and I found myself exercising more than I would have liked to as I ran to the train, which was about to take off at any minute.

We ran through the platform of nine and three quarters (dear God, that was hard figuring out how to get on from the beginning) and I watched as the conductor of the scarlet train call for last minute students to enter the train.

"Alright, Dan, now stay safe, send lots of letters home, don't let the bullies get to you, stay healthy-"

"Mum, I gotta go!"

"-and don't talk back to the teachers or swear all too much, darling, bye!" My mum said quickly, causing me to laugh and run onto the train as it started to take off, slowly starting to gather speed.

"Bye, mum!" I called off of the train, watching as she grew farther away, her hand still waving a farewell vigorously.

"Aww, does Dan miss his mudblood of a mother?" I sighed, turning to see some of my fellow Slytherin housemates, all ganging up on me as usual. And, like usual, I ignored them, walking off to find a compartment to sit in.

What a perfect way to start the school year.

I glanced in the windows of every compartment, searching for some place to sit where it was empty and with no other Slytherins, but every compartment seemed to be filled with people…and more people…and more disgusting people.

Finally, I reached a compartment where I saw a tall and black haired boy sitting alone, staring out the window. With a sigh of knowing I'd have to sit with someone, I pulled open the door, causing him to look up startled.

He had bright blue orbs for eyes, staring up at me with excitement and smiling up at me. His pale skin contrasted with his ebony black hair. Basically, what I'm saying he was downright gorgeous.

"Hi!" He said excitedly, causing me to smile weakly. I wasn't much for people with enthusiasm, but he seemed to be an exception already.

"Hi, uh…the rest of the compartments are full…can I sit here?" I asked awkwardly. Great, I meet someone who isn't already annoyed with me and I already showed myself as the awkward potato I am.

"Sure thing!" The boy said brightly, causing me to smile as I sat across from him. Part of me was tempted to pull out my Muggle iPhone, but I realized there would be no wifi and would seem rude to this beautiful creature that was sitting across from me.

"I like your tee-shirt!" He said suddenly, causing me to look down and smile at my black Muse shirt.

"Thanks, I like yours too." I said, pointing at his brightly colored sonic tee-shirt, which was very different from what normal pure-bloods wore on the train, so I assumed he wasn't one.

"Thank you! What's your name?"

"Dan Howell, you?"

"Phil Lester!" Our conversation continued, jumping from one Muggle subject to the next, until suddenly our conversation was interrupted by a small purr.

"What the hell was that?" I asked, and saw him reach towards a small cage nearby.

"Lion is awake!" He pulled out an adorable small cat, one which was yawning tiredly and blinking its eyes sleepily.

"He doesn't look much like a lion." I giggled, causing Phil to smile.

"True, but he's my adorable little Lion!" Phil chirped, placing the lazy cat onto his knees.

Time flew by as we talked, the sun setting steadily and I found myself less nervous and less anxious, enjoying the time I was spending with Phil.

"We should be there soon, should we change into our robes?" Phil asked, causing me to frown slightly. I forgot that I still had to go to Hogwarts, and still had to deal with bullies.

"Oh yeah." I answered, reaching in my trunk and pulling out my black robes lined with green along with my green and silver tie.

"Oh, you're a Slytherin?" I heard Phil ask slowly, and I felt my heart sink. Well, I just lost a friend.

"Yeah…"

"Oh." The conversation ended with an awkward silence we had not yet experienced as we both changed into our uniforms.

I glanced over at him in his yellow and black tie, realizing he was a HufflePuff. At least he wasn't a Gryffindor; otherwise, I wouldn't stand a chance.

"Bye, Dan, I'll see you later?" Phil asked; a more cautious smile placed on his lips. I smiled slightly, nodding and looking down.

"Yeah…see you later." I said quietly, letting Phil leave the compartment and join his friends, most likely.

Gryffindor or HufflePuff, the odds of making Phil as my friend were unlikely.


	2. Chapter 2

"Goodmorning, Phil!" My Herbology teacher, Mr. Longbottom, greeted politely. I grinned up at my favorite teacher.

"Goodmorning, sir." I replied, walking into the Great Hall, where breakfast was being served on large platers of toast, sausages, and eggs.

I sat on the edge of the table, just like the last few years, and took one of the schedules they were handing out.

Eyes scanning over it, I internally groaned, for it looked like the most boring day in centuries. First I had History of Magic, followed by Double Potions, Divination, Arithmancy and Muggle Studies. I guess it could be worse, but I wasn't excited.

I decided to leave the tons of people having conversations around me (fun, right?) and head to my first class of that morning; History of Magic.

I headed towards the empty classroom, and walked right into one boy I didn't want to see right then but had no choice.

Dan Howell.

I saw as he looked up quickly as the door shut behind me, before looking back down and scribbling furiously on a piece of paper with his head bent down.

Well, I couldn't just walk out of the classroom and ignore him, could I? That'd be rude, and even though I didn't want to talk to a Slytherin right then, I was curious on why he was here.

I walked towards the brown haired boy and collapsed in the seat next to him, causing him to look up in surprise.

"Hey, Dan, what are you doing here?" I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me.

"Hello Phil." Dan responded, going back to writing on his paper. "I don't eat in the Great Hall."

"Why not?" I asked, and saw his face flush.

"…It's not a big deal, I just don't have many friends from my house, that's all." Dan sighed, drumming his quill against the hard desk, but it didn't make a sound, seeing as it was a quill after all. "What about you, why are you here?"

"Same reason as you." I said simply, pulling my notebook and textbooks to read along with our ghost of a teacher.

"Oh." The conversation ended there, seeing as kids were entering the class, and Dan suddenly went silent.

Class was boring, as usual. Silence filled the room as Professor Binns droned on and on about Giant Wars, what we learning about that year. I remained silent, taking notes when I was letting the boredom wash over me and wishing that it was summer again.

Everything was silent and usual until I heard Dan clear his throat quietly.

I looked up, and saw that he had a note extended out to me. Confused, I took the note from him, and read it silently to myself

 _Why the bloody hell are you taking notes?_

A smirk settled on my lips as I grabbed a quill and wrote out my answer.

 _I don't want to fail, Howell. If you want to, fine by me._

Passing it back, I found myself waiting for his response as it came about a minute later.

 _Could you give me some of your notes, then? I'll literally do anything, I don't want another year of getting low mark on my essays_

 _Take your own notes_

 _Please!?_

I considered the offer briefly before writing my response. I knew he was a Slytherin, so maybe his potions teacher gave him some slack when it came to that subject, one which I failed miserably at.

 _Okay, fine, only if you promise to take potions notes for me._

I passed the note while still staring at Professor Binns. I know he couldn't see me, but just to be safe. He knew that almost no one listened to his lectures, but honestly I don't think he cared.

I looked at Dan quickly and saw him passing a note to me.

 _Done._

I looked up to see Dan grinning, the same grin that he had on last evening in the train. Such a different look than what he had when he was around the castle and around the other Slytherins. It was a really cute smile, he was the kind of boy who was lucky enough to have a dimple while truly smiling; and though he didn't have it now, it he had it last night once or twice. It was adorable.

After staring at him for a second or two, I realized with horror that I hadn't been taking notes for the last five minutes, and I quickly went back to scribbling notes on what our professor was saying, causing Dan to giggle at my sudden realization and reaction.

Maybe he was a Slytherin, but he didn't seem like he was an jerk.


	3. Chapter 3

**Dan's POV**

Smiling, I exited the History of Magic class, heading down to Muggle Studies. This class was a class not many Slytherins took; okay, I might be the only Slytherin in my class, but I was interested in filming and it was the only way I could learn!

"Hey look, it's Howell; the failure that managed to be both a faggot _and_ a Mudblood." I heard one kid say loud enough to make sure I and his stupid friends could hear, laughter erupting through the hallways.

I felt my face flush, and I cursed myself for showing a reaction. It would never stop if I showed a reaction, but I always managed to do just that.

My smile had faded, and I wish I had Phil with me. Even if we only met yesterday, I felt as if I had known him a lot longer. I liked him.

 _Yeah, well, he doesn't like you. You're a fucking Slytherin, remember?_ Oh yeah, I guess my depression had a point there.

With a sigh, I turned to walk into my class.

The day I first got my Hogwarts letter was the best day of my life. Our headmaster, Professor Mcgonagall, visited me on my birthday and told me that I was accepted into the school of WitchCraft and Wizardry.

My mother was thrilled to hear that her own son was a wizard; I mean, it was pretty cool! But my father was against the fact that I was, as he called it, 'a freak'.

The train ride wasn't what I expected it to be. I sat alone the whole journey, hugging my legs and telling myself that I'd make friends once I got to the school.

The opposite happened.

I put the hat onto my head, and I remember it muttering to itself. I couldn't hear what exactly it was saying, since I my heart was beating loudly in my ears and everything was hurting.

"SLYTHERIN!" The hat called, and I heard a loud roar from a table, where kids were dressed in black robes, black and green ties hanging around their necks.

I excitedly jumped off of the chair, walking quickly to the table where the rest of the Slytherins were sitting. I thought I had finally found a place where I could belong, a place where I could make friends and feel welcomed.

When the food appeared on the plates, everyone around me started talking. Everyone was talking about how they knew their letter was coming, and how proud their parents must be of them for their house they now belonged in. I sat there, confused on what on earth they were talking about.

"Wait, you knew your letter was coming?" I asked a fellow first year, and the conversation around me stopped dead. Everyone looked at me as though I had sprouted two heads.

"Why, of course. You didn't? Didn't your parents tell you anything?" One first year asked.

"No! They were very surprised when I got the letter! When McGonagall came-"

"You have _muggles_ for parents?" An older Slytherin asked me, a look of disgust settling across his face.

"Well, yeah…" I said slowly. Everyone was staring at me now; some were surprised, some- okay, most were disgusted.

"Oh my god, we have a Mudblood sitting at our table." One girl laughed, and everyone around me laughed.

That's when the bullying began.

That night, no one wanted me in their dorms, but a Prefect came in and told everyone that I had to sleep somewhere, and that everyone should calm down. My bunk was the only one that was empty. Every day, people scooted away from me when I sat down at the Great Hall, so I got used to sitting at the edge of the bench for lunch and dinner, and I usually just didn't show up for breakfast at all.

I was used to people hating me, I was used to people wanting to get the hell away from me. So the fact that Phil might like me is both a surprise, and a miracle.


	4. Chapter 4

**Phil's POV:**

"Philly…wake up, Philly…" My eyes slowly opened as I saw my girlfriend, Becky, standing over me; her long, dark brown hair in my face, seeing as she was leaning her head over to see me.

"Hi Becky…what are you doing here?" I murmured, backing out of her hair and yawning. I had already started my Hogwarts tradition of procrastinating until the last minute to do homework, so that's why I was up at two in the morning, sitting in the Hufflepuff common room.

"I missed my Philly, of course!" She giggled, and I let out a sigh, dipping my quill in my ink once again to continue writing my essay.

"Stop calling me Philly."

"Aww, you're no fun." She pouted playfully, and I let out a weak smile.

"And missing me doesn't explain why you're up at two in the morning, aren't you tired?"

"Nope! So, whatcha writing?" She asked me, poking her head back into my books.

"Just writing my potions essay, I'm almost done!" I stated, proudly. Thanks to the notes that Dan took for me, I was doing a lot better. Sure, it was hard to say how much better I was doing, since we had only returned to Hogwarts two weeks ago, but I felt my brain growing! Which sounds weird, but it was awesome!

"Don't you, like, suck at potions?" She asked, causing what self-esteem I just had to plummet and wither away. I frowned at her, before returning back to my writing.

"Well…yeah, but Dan's helping me take notes, and he's really smart, and-" I stated, before Becky intervened on my slight happiness once again.

"Wait, who the hell is Dan? You never told me you're seeing a boy!" She gasped, the look of utter betrayal in her eyes.

"Becky, Dan's just someone I met on the train station." I moaned, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand. I forgot that I wasn't going to tell my girlfriend about Dan, seeing as she made a big deal about almost everything.

"Phil, you don't have any friends! Are you cheating on me?" I looked up, so shocked and offended that she would even consider the fact that I would cheat on her.

"I told you, he's just some boy! He's not even my friend, and we only talk a little! Just because I'm bisexual doesn't mean I'm making out with every boy when you're not looking, Becky!" I said angrily, and picked up the stack of books I was working with for my essay. "I'm going to bed, goodnight." I muttered, and started to walk away.

"Wait, Philly, please don't be mad at me!" I felt a hand turn me around, and I was met with her concerned face. "I'm just…scared, Phil! You never seem to want to be with me! We don't even cuddle, or kiss! What's up with that?"

"I told you, I'm not a touchy person." I explained for what seemed to be the millionth time. I really didn't like cuddling, or kissing, or doing any of the weird stuff she made me do.

"I just don't know what to believe anymore, you always seem to be busy, and gone, and…I don't know what to do about that!" Tears were threatening to leak from her eyes, and that caused me to feel so horribly guilty. She was pretty good at doing that, I guess.

"Becky, don't be sad…you know I love you, you're the best girlfriend in the world. I just don't want you to think I'm lying to you, because I've always been faithful to you!" She nodded numbly, looking down at the ground. I sighed, knowing what I had to do. I leant over and kissed the top of her head, causing a small smile to spring across her face.

"Oh, Philly, you're so sweet. I'm sorry I doubted you, you've always been a pretty good boyfriend."

"Right…listen, I've got to go to bed, I'm super tired and I don't want to fall asleep in class again." She giggled, placing a light kiss on my lips.

"Goodnight, baby, I love you!" She said, walking away towards the girl's dorm as I walked towards mine.

"Love you too." I called behind me, walking up the stairs and into my dorm.

Everyone else was asleep, and I trudged towards my bed, falling onto the soft mattress and falling asleep instantly.

What a day.


	5. Chapter 5

**Dan's POV:**

I stood up, walking away from Transfiguration with no hope left in me. Fridays were the best and the worst; best because, well, it's Friday! Worst, because I had the most boring schedule in the world.

I hated all the classes we had except for Care of Magical Creatures, Charms, and Potions; besides that, every class was hell.

A lot of Muggleborns throw themselves into their studies, not lingering once on the past world that they grew up in. I was quite the opposite. I still used Tumblr, my phone, and my iPod. I still had a laptop, still hung up band posters around my room (yes, the Muggle bands like Fall Out Boy and Muse, not dumb wizard bands)…this didn't do much to my popularity, but not like I cared.

Popularity was a stupid thing, I decided. You only get people to like the fake you, but what good does it do? They hate the real you, so technically, they still hate you. It was so stupid.

I knew next was Charms, so I headed to that quickly before I was somehow managed to be late again. Charms was hell for me, because the Professor Flitwick always put us into groups of threes. And I usually got landed with some other idiotic Slytherins who ignored me completely or decided to pick on me.

 _At least that class is with HufflePuff…that's a bright side to it._ I thought to myself, right before I realized it didn't matter either way.

 _Phil DOESN'T like you! Stop trying with him!_ Once again, my self-esteem always had a point there.

No one could like me. Even I don't like me, for the love of God.

I quickly sped up once I realized I was slowing down once again, but I knew I was going to be late once more for that stupid class. Once I got to the classroom, I threw open the door, to reveal a room full of people, turning to look at me once again.

"Sorry, professor…" I mumbled, causing many kids to snicker.

"Late again, Howell? Well, sit down, try harder next time, please." I nodded, quickly sliding into a seat, ignoring everyone around me.

"Right, get into groups of threes! We'll be practicing the revealing spell today!" I stayed seated, with my head bent towards my desk, and I knew I most likely looked pathetic, but I didn't care.

"Hey, Dan! Wanna join me and Becky?" I looked up quickly, bewildered and astonished that someone was actually talking to me. I saw the speaker, and my heart fluttered at the sight of him.

Phil Lester.

"Sure…" I said, suddenly feeling awkward, and stood up to see him and another brunette, who was looking the other way

"Becky, this is Dan!" She looked at me with a raised eyebrow, as if asking what the hell was I doing. Doing what, I didn't know.

"I'm his girlfriend." She said with a smirk, and I nodded, not understanding why she would feel the need to announce that.

"Er…hi, I met Phil on the train down here." I said, trying to remain friendly, though she was making it rather hard. She looked like a bitch.

"How sweet, Phil does tend to be nice and pair with loners; you two must be great friends!" She said cheerfully, causing me straighten up and forget the act of trying to remain kind. I was a Slytherin, after all, and icy looks are our specialty.

"Yeah, he does, doesn't he? That must be how you two became a couple, right?" The look in her eyes changed from sickeningly sweet to a gaze that made me assume she was somehow trying to melt me.

"Ooookay, let's go practice charms!" Phil said after a moment of silence, and he pulled out his wand and we did, indeed begin.

"So…how did you and Becky meet?" I questioned slowly, Phil and I both working in the empty classroom on our charms (working as in avoiding our work until there was only five more minutes of our practicing homework left).

"Oh, well, we met each other on the train in our second year! She was the only one who would talk to me, really, so we became quite good friends! She's always been there for me." Phil said lightly, playing with his wand.

"Really? She seems kind of a jerk." I regretted saying that as soon as the words left my mouth, but to my surprise, Phil only laughed.

"Yeah, she can come off as that. She's really a sweet girl once you get to know her, she's just worried." I raised an eyebrow, but decided not to ask what exactly she was worried about.

"Well, at least she's good to you." I decided to say, and with a smile and nod from Phil, that ended our conversation about his strange girlfriend.


	6. Chapter 6

**Phil's POV:**

October 31st wasn't as eventful as I would've liked it to be.

Since it was a Saturday, there were no classes. The Great Hall was decorated with colors of orange, black, and purple. Pumpkins were on each of the tables, and everyone was eating breakfast, the room buzzing with excitement.

"Hi, Philly!" I heard Becky's voice as soon as I sat down, and I smiled up at her.

"Hi, Becky, how are you doing?" I asked, taking some eggs from one of the large, golden platter and added it onto my plate.

"I'm sad, Philly! Why won't you go to Hogsmead with me?" I sighed, looking up once again at the famous pout she always did, normally to get me to do what she wanted.

"I told you, I need to study. I'm behind in Care of Magical Creatures, and my Potions essay is due on Monday."

"It's always you, isn't it? Why don't you wanna spend time with me?" I rolled my eyes, letting out a huff of annoyance.

"I need to do schoolwork, do you want me to fail?" I questioned, my voice raising slightly, something that didn't happen often. She gave me a hard glare before pushing me off the bench I was sitting on.

Some of the teenagers around me, who didn't notice us before, were now laughing. A Hufflepuff I didn't know too well jumped up to help me, and I smiled in a thanks.

"Screw you, Phil, just go stick your nose in your stupid books for all I care." Becky spat, before turning on her heel and walking off.

I was sitting alone in the common room as I was finished my essay. I sighed, stroking Lion softly who purred in my lap. Lots of people considered Lion adorable, the way he was always purring. But really, he was just hungry; all of the time.

"Well, Lion, what do you wanna do now? Everyone is either at Hogsmead or outside, and we're the only ones here." I sighed. No response, obviously.

"Whatever, I need to wash my hands." I stared down at my plain, black ink. I had considered buying some ink that changed colors depending on your mood because how AWESOME WOULD THAT BE! But I didn't, considering I have hardly any money because of those damn chocolate frogs that caused me to go broke.

My feet wandered out of the common room and down the stairs. There was a bathroom in the common room, obviously, but it would be more fun to wander around the castle.

So, that's what I did.

I let my curiosity lead the way; and the endless changing staircases lead me as well. I had seen it all before, but nothing stopped me from hoping that I'd stumble upon something great.

Nothing interesting came upon this adventure towards the bathroom, so I headed unenthusiastically towards the sink.

But something did catch my attention that captured my curiosity and interest again.

Someone was crying in an empty stall.

Now, this made things get more interested. It could be Moaning Myrtle; she came into the boy's washrooms sometimes, it was kind of weird. But it didn't sound like her, so that possibility exited as soon as it came.

Whoever it was, Hufflepuffs helped with this sort of thing. We were supposed to be kind hearted, and I think I was! So I decided to call out to the mysterious crying boy.

"H-Hello?" I called out, and the crying ceased instantly. Silence filled the room, and I waited urgently for a response.

"Fuck off." My answer of who was crying was answered quickly with a pang of guilt in my stomach.

Dan Howell.

"Dan, what's wrong?" I called through the stall.

"I said fuck off, Phil! You didn't hear anything! Just leave me alone, goddamnit." Dan's answer came angrily and I did consider leaving for a few seconds. Maybe he just needed to be alone.

 _He's been alone enough._ My brain said, and I walked closer towards the stall door.

"No, not until you come out. Dan, come on, I'm not going to hurt you."

The door swung open, and Dan's face full of rage and pain popped out. I took a step back, and I started to regret being so persistent.

"Yes, you fucking are! I don't have friends, I don't need friends; I'm fine on my own! Nothing you say can help me Phil, I'm unfixable! Why can't you just l-leave me a-alone!" And with that, Dan started to sob again.

 _What the hell do I do?_ My brain asked as I watched Dan sob into his hands. _Comfort him, you idiot!_

I didn't know how to comfort him. I didn't Dan too well, but I felt so terrible for him, felt like I related to him on a deep level…

I awkwardly put my arms around him, and to my surprise he latched onto me, clinging onto my uniform and burying his face into my chest, sobs increasing.

"I c-can't fucking do it anymore! I-I'm a friendless loser, I don't k-know why you even b-bother…"

"Because I'm your friend, Dan…"

"You don't count." I heard Dan mutter. "You're nice to everyone. That's what you Hufflepuffs are supposed to be like. You don't have a choice."

"Of course we do. And I chose you. I want to be your friend, Dan." I said, and I watched as Dan backed away until he was looking at me in the eyes.

His pupils showed doubt, and fear, and suspension. Like I was going to hurt him right then and there, or yell, "Just kidding, you loser!" But seeing as I did neither of those things, he raised an eyebrow.

"I'm fucked up, Phil, why would you want to be friends with me?"

"Well…I can try to fix you! I mean, I don't have any friends either, a friend would be fun! Give me a chance, Dan, please?"

He let out a sigh, and for a second he looked like he wasn't going to do it.

But to my surprise, he held out his hand and let out a weak smile.

"Friends?"

I took his hand into mine without a second thought, shaking it to complete the deal.

"Friends."


End file.
